


Fire in my lungs

by PenchantForPoison



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: BAMF Caleb, Beau gets jealous, BeauYasha if you want to see it, But first he avenges her, Caleb Widogast Has Issues, Caleb Widogast's Backstory, Caleb centric, Caleb dies, Caleb gets revivified, Caleb goes Soft for Jester, Caleb is hesitant, Caleb loves Jester, DND mechanics are loosely used or tossed out the window, Essek's Glittery blue chalk, F/M, I don't know german so I liberally used Google translate, I rated it for language and violence, I say major character death but it gets better i promise, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jester gets revivified, Late night talks with Jester, Lots of crying?, The Nein's plans never work out, Theres a little kissing, Trent Ikithon Dies, Warning: Trent Ikithon, everyone is okay, no beta we die like men, the afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenchantForPoison/pseuds/PenchantForPoison
Summary: A fight with Trent Ikithon ends in disaster
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

It should have been simpler, straight to the point, fool-proof, but it was them so who were they kidding. Their whole plan boiled down to their own ineptitude, and had they actually followed their initial plan, it may have worked out, but as it was, Caleb was in the middle of chaos, as his friends fought his past. It was him they wanted, him they should be attacking, not his friends, not the Nein.

Her scream ripped his heart from his chest and tossed it to the ground. He turned sharply towards Trent and his body filled with icy terror. He had her. He had her flush against his body, knife to her throat, lips against her ear whispering disgusting platitudes, Caleb was sure of it. Trent smiled cruelly as his eyes flicked to Caleb’s. 

Beau yelled Yasha’s name, and Caleb turned to see Yasha blank faced, looking to Eodwulf like he was her best friend. He watched Beau charge him, watched his wrist flick out, a few words on his lips and the monk froze, eyes furious as she toppled over from the momentum. With her face in the dirt, Yasha stood over her. 

Fjord did his best to fight off Astrid’s attacks as she tried to take out both him and Caduceus, but Caleb watched as the firbolg collapsed, and Fjord dropped to his knees with a blade to his neck. Caduceus stirred, but stayed prone on the ground, breath heavy. He couldn’t find Veth-

“Caleb!” Jester cried out.

His eyes shot to the blue woman he’d grown fond of, traced the tears down her cheeks like rivers on a map. Anger twisted in his gut. He listened for the rest of the Nein, hoped they’d get up, snap out of whatever magic held them, but he heard nothing other than Caduceus’ labored breathing.

A brunt force hit one of his knees and he collapsed down to the ground. His arms were pulled behind him and held there so he couldn’t move without dislocating them. He tested Eodwulf’s grip and jerked his arm, but his old friend contorted his wrist forward, uncomfortably locking him from moving any further. The silence from his friends and the quiet sobbing from Jester was suffocating as it wrapped around his throat and he couldn't breathe. They were going to die, all because of him.

“Let her go, Trent. You have me now, let them go. Do what you want with me, but let them go.” His voice felt as rough as it sounded.

Trent cocked his head to the side, his lips curling sickeningly upwards. “Oh, Bren, my troubled son. Have you become attached to this band of wannabe heroes?” He stroked Jester’s cheek with the back of his hand. “They’re weaknesses, nothing but blips in your future, distractions that need to be eliminated for you to become stronger.” 

“You’re wrong,” Caleb snarled, “My family makes me stronger. They give me something to fight for. Without them there- there is nothing here for me.”

Trent scoffed, “You learned nothing then. You’ll come back home with us, Bren, but not before I punish you and destroy this… distraction.” 

Caleb looked into Jester’s eyes. “I will fix this, Liebling. I promise.”

Jester's eyes welled up with fresh tears and she nodded sharply at him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, a spell ready to leave her lips, when Trent plunged his dagger into her throat ripping it outwards. Blood sprayed forth, and Jester’s eyes opened, not leaving Caleb’s as she dropped to her knees then to her stomach as blood pooled hotly under her. 

“NO!” Ripped from his throat, and in a surge of strength he lunged forward, the sweat on his wrists letting him barely slip from his ex-compatriot’s grip. 

He half crawled, half ran to Jester’s trembling body and pulled her to him. His hand shook over her neck, he was out of everything, he had no healing spells, no potions, nothing in his vast repertoire to fix this. Tears burned his eyes as he looked at her gaping mouth gasping for air that wouldn’t come as she choked on her own blood. He held her against him, as the life poured out of her.

"No, no, no. Jester? Jester please- Meine Blaubeere ... Bitte..." Caleb choked on his own sob as he listened intently for any reassurance that this was just some fucked up nightmare that he’d wake up from sweaty and mid panic attack. 

Nothing came, he didn’t wake up in his bed in the Xhorhaus with a racing heart nor drenched in sweat. Caleb cried a guttural wet keening sound of agony that ripped from his throat. He gently stroked his thumb down her cheek, ignoring the rapid cooling of her skin. Tears clouded his vision and his face contorted as he pulled her tighter to him, ignoring the blood coating his clothes. He brushed down her hair, mumbling incomprehensible words into her forehead. Comfortingly, he rocked and did his best to keep the tears in his eyes from falling. His body wracked with tremors, anger and grief fighting for the forefront of his mind, and he pressed his lips to her hairline.

Gently, he laid her down and stood, summoning Cat’s Ire. As softly as he could, he scooped up her body and laid it down next to Caduceus, who seemed to be coming up from whatever spell he’d been hit by. Something twisted in his chest, snapped like a rubber band and his red rimmed blue eyes focused on Trent. 

"You will not live to see the morning, Trent Ikithon. You will suffer, as I had suffered all these years. I am Caleb Widogast and you WILL feel my ire, and you will feel my pain, and my broken heart." His voice trembled.

The cat paw came from above and caught Trent unaware. The elder man crumbed beneath its pressure and went face down into the dirt. He wheezed out, choking on his own air as he struggled to free himself from the paw’s hold. 

Caleb could feel the anger in his chest building, his heart racing like a madman running from his sanity. He dipped his hand into his components pouch and swung his hand out, casting a fireball directly where his former mentor lay.

Trent screamed in pain as flames crawled across his skin, and the air was ripped from his lungs. With some charring, Trent huffed a rough breath, and laughed hoarsely.

“You think you can kill me with a tiny fireball? I thought I taught you better than that." Trent spat. 

Caleb took a deep breath, and held out his hand one more time, focusing on the sounds of his friends' breaths. He looked back to Trent, his eyes betraying no emotion.

Trent struggled again, but failed at freeing his own arms. He looked to Caleb, fear actually creeping into his eyes. He grunted in pain.

Caleb pulled out his string coated in phosphorus, weaved it in his fingers and slammed it into the ground. 5 snake-like tendrils of flame spread out and converged upon Trent, twisting in an elegant spiral before lighting up beneath him. 

Trent's scream could curdle blood, and Caleb watched on without satisfaction as Trent was left panting on the ground. 

Trent half heartedly struggled again, but he was unable to move under the cat paw holding him down, his strength waning. "The Empire will not let you get away with this, Bren."

"You are a blight upon the Empire. They will no doubt thank me for this mercy." Caleb raised his hand and pointed a finger at Trent's prone body. "Any last words?"

Trent growled, "Geh zum Teufel." 

The corner of Caleb's mouth twitched upwards. "I will see you there then."

A translucent green cloak billowed around him, and a familiar archfey’s face came into his peripheral. A deepset anger was carved into the usually jovial Traveler’s face. His hand reached out over Caleb’s before covering it completely. A jolt of energy tingled through his whole body.

In his ear, Artagan growled, “Fuck him up, Widogast.”

The surge of power rushed through Caleb as he let loose a disintegrate. The green ray sprang from his finger and hit Trent. It was a matter of nanoseconds before the screaming punctured the air. Trent writhed under the cat's paw, his voice growing hoarse as he stiffened and silence drew out into the darkness of the night. Caleb swallowed as the sickly grey ashes of Trent scattered in the breeze that picked up. 

Caleb turned towards his two ex compatriots who looked on, stunned. "You either die here with your master, or you leave now and never come back." 

"Bren-" Astrid started.

“Nein,” Caleb said sharply, “make your decision. I am done dealing with this bullshit, Astrid." He looked at her with the gaze of a broken man with nothing to lose.

Eodwulf stepped forward, but Astrid placed a hand on his chest. 

"No, 'Wulf. He's not worth it." 

Astrid pushed the man away from them, and before he could blink they were gone in a flash of teleportation magic. 

Caleb could feel his throat constrict, as he looked over to where Caduceus was working methodically, if not painfully if his injuries were anything to go by, to resurrect Jester. He watched Yasha snap out of it, and rest her hand on Beau’s shoulder. Beau groaned into the dirt, but muttered her thanks. Fjord rested his hand on Caduceus’ upper back while he worked. 

Caleb's head swam suddenly, the adrenaline wearing off, and he realized the nasty wound in his side oozing blood. How he'd not noticed it was worrying. He swayed, and his heel caught a rock, which sent him stumbling backwards. 

A set of arms caught him and guided him to the ground. Caleb blinked confusedly a few times at the Traveller hovering over him and closed his eyes. The last thing he heard was Veth’s sharp voice calling his name in alarm, accompanied by her footfalls.


	2. An Ending?

When he opened his eyes again, he was surrounded by a pure stark white nothingness that spanned beyond his vision. His hands flew to where he'd been hurt but the wound was gone and he was dressed down to his trousers and shirt. He took a step, then another. There was nothing but the unmistakable sound of wind threading through grass. He followed it. 

When his feet found purchase in loose soil he nearly sighed in relief, but his gaze caught a small home. Familiar woodwork, smoke curled from a cobblestone chimney. The soft sounds of chickens floated through the air, clothes hung on a line to dry in the sun. A woman's voice carried on the breeze, singing a familiar and heart wrenching tune that brought Caleb to his knees. 

No. No no no. Caleb clutched his sides, trying his hardest not to be sick. He bent over and his coppery hair cascaded down around his face curtaining his view off and he pressed his forehead down into the cool dirt. There was a soft gasp, and light footfalls that rapidly approached him and Caleb cursed himself for being so stupid.  _ He was dead _ .

Gentle hands touched his shoulders, and the familiar, but comforting, scent of baked breads and florals wafted over him. She pulled him into an awkward hug, both knelt on the dirt road. Caleb began to sob. 

"Mein schatz, why are you here? You are far too young to be here, my darling Bren." She pet down the hair on the back of his head.

His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't breathe. "I am so sorry, Mutter, Bitte verzeih mir. Bitte-"

"Bren," she pulled back, holding his face and wiping away a tear from his cheek. "I understand now, what happened. You do not need to apologize."

"What I did was wrong." Caleb's voice wavered and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I do not understand why I am here. I don't deserve-"

"Genug." She said firmly. "You deserve to forgive yourself. You are doing good, mein Sohn. You stopped a war. You saved your friends" She brushed his cheek with her knuckle and sighed. "You have done so much good. I cannot help but be proud."

"But-"

"Bren. You have done bad, I will not deny that. But they tricked you and altered your mind, made you believe the wrong things. You have saved countless lives, just by being a part of your mighty nein. You are shaping up into a fine young man and I couldn't be more proud of that."

Caleb let out a gentle scoff. "You make me sound like a hero."

She ran her hands through his hair and chuckled softly. "In my eyes, Bren, you are a hero."

Caleb shook his head but smiled sadly. "Thank you, mama."

She pushed herself off the ground and helped Caleb to his feet. "Come now, let me make you some lunch and you can tell me about your friends."

The memories of what had just occurred rushed back into his mind and Caleb sucked in a sharp breath, "Jester- she-" 

He felt like the world was caving in on him, burying him beneath layers and layers of sodden earth and he couldn't breathe, mouth gaping like a suffocating fish. 

"Bren, slow down, breathe. Deep breath in, deep breath out." She rubbed his back in soothing circles. 

It took a minute but his breaths finally evened out into ragged intake of air. His hands felt jittery, and he bit the inside of his lip with his eyes closed until he imagined the sharp taste of blood on his tongue.

"Scheisse. No-" 

"It's okay, come inside. I will make you some tea." 

Caleb nodded, his head feeling impossibly heavy.

She sat him down at the table, and poured out tea from a teapot that had just been heated. The mug was slid in front of him and he stared at the swirling steam that rose from it. He sighed. 

"You miss them, don't you?" 

"I do. Very much. It, eh, is hard to imagine never seeing them again."

"Oh, You don't have to worry about that. " Artagan's smarmy voice came from behind him and he turned sharply to look at him.

"You-" Caleb started to stand.

"Settle down, Caleb. I'm here to bring you back, that is if you want to. I'd understand wanting to stay with a cozy place like this, but our little blue Tiefling is waiting for you, it'd be a shame to… disappoint her." He smiled but something in his eyes said Caleb didn't have a choice in this.

"She's alive?"

"Of course! I wouldn't let my favorite follower die on me now, would I?" The Arch Fey held out his hand. "Now, do come. We've only so much time."

Caleb turned to his mother. "Ich liebe dich, mutter."

His mother smiled softly. "Ich liebe dich auch, Bren. I do not expect to see you until you're grey and old. Pass auf dich auf."

"And you. Tell Papa I am sorry I missed him."

"I will, now go. We will see you again."

Caleb pressed a kiss to her forehead, gave her a tight hug and then turned towards the Traveler. He reached out to the archfey’s outstretched hand.


	3. Late night chat

As soon as Caleb’s skin touched Artagan’s he was met with searing pain in his side, a heavy weight on his chest, darkness, and the soft sound of sobbing and sniffling. 

He sucked in a sharp breath and with great effort, he opened his eyes. The Nein sat around him, in various states of comforting each other. Jester had her head pressed into his chest, the worst of the crying coming from her.

“Jester-” He slowly pushed himself to sitting, and Jester latched her arms around his neck, face still in his chest. “My blueberry, I am okay. I am okay, Jester.” He pet down her hair, doing his best to ignore the blood caked in it.

"Don't leave me again." Her face was stuffy from crying.

"I will do my best, schatzi. I will do my best. Trent will never hurt you again. He will never hurt any one of us again. It is alright." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

"Promise me you won't die again." She leaned back and balled her fists in his jacket.

Caleb looked into her red rimmed eyes, the tears that stained her face. The sadness written in her expression was so obvious it made his heart hurt. 

"I can't promise you I won't die again, Jester. But I promise I will do everything in my power to never leave you or the Nein again. I am just a squishy wizard after all." He smiled at her. 

She laughed lightly and wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Caleb."

"Jester?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He thumbed the fresh scarring at her throat. 

"Caduceus says he could probably get rid of most if not all of the scarring after he sleeps." She forced a smile and Caleb wanted so badly to put a real smile on her face. "I'll be okay. Why don't we go home?" 

"Ja. I would like that." 

Beau suddenly punched his shoulder. “Shit man, maybe don’t do that again, okay? You had us all worried.” 

Caleb chuckled, and noted the way she was tucked into Yasha’s side. “Beauregard, I hardly think it's _my_ fault, but I will try not to.”

"Yeah, alright. That was some shit show."

Everyone chuckled, the tension in the air dispersed. 

The tingle of magic made Caleb's head turn and Essek landed heavily on his feet looking frazzled and panicked. It took a moment for him to register, his eyes darting across the Nein, before he landed on Caleb. 

He cursed in under common. "Jester said you had died-?" 

"I had, Ja. I- I'm okay now though." Caleb scratched his arm.

Essek let out a heavy breath. "I am glad you're okay. I came as quickly as I could. I was in a council meeting when you called, I-"

"It is alright, Essek. Though I'm tapped out of spells. Could you give us a lift home?"

"I think that is doable, yes." He pulled out his glittery blue chalk.

"Oh, Essek?" Caleb touched his arm.

"Hmm?" 

"Trent Ikithon will no longer be a worry." 

Essek stared at him momentarily before it dawned on him , his eyes went wide. "You-? Then he's-?"

"Ja. He's dead."

Essek nodded in relief. "Good, good. That's- good." 

Caleb looked around his group, surveyed the exhaustion in their faces. "Let's go home."

Essek teleported them straight to the Bastion and walked them home. 

"I am glad you're all okay."

"Us too." Caduceus smiled. 

It was close to 2 am when everyone was cleaned and in bed, but Caleb could not find rest. He stood and walked to his door, fully intending to see if Jester was awake and make sure she was really okay. When he opened it, Jester was standing there, hand raised, poised to knock.

"O-oh Cay-leb! I- I saw your lights were still up and- Well y'know, I just, maybe… wanted to talk?" She ended her sentence on a high note.

"I- Ja, talking is- I couldn't sleep anyway." 

He stepped out of the way, and she plopped down onto his bed, back against the wall. He closed the door, and sat down on the edge of his mattress. They sat there in silence, until Jester pinched his shirt between her fingers and pulled. 

"Come sit by me, Caleb, please?" Her voice sounded small.

"Of course." He scooted back on the bed until his back was against the wall as well. 

"Today was really scary." 

"Ja, it was." 

They sat there for a moment until Jester whispered, "Can I hug you?"

Caleb paused and looked down at her. She wasn't looking at him, but was picking at the hem of her sleep shirt.

"Ja, of course, Jester."

She wrapped her arms around his chest and buried her face in the fabric of his shirt. He cautiously wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting his hand rest on her back.

"I saw the Traveller today." He whispered.

Jester turned her head to look up at him, but didn't pull away. "Yeah? Was he, like, really cool?" 

Caleb chuckled, "He was certainly uh, badass. 'Fuck him up, Widogast'." He poorly imitated the Travelers voice.

"That's so cool." 

Jester went silent and Caleb could tell something was gnawing at her.

"What is going through your mind?"

Jester sighed and her hands balled into fists in his shirt. "I died. I'm terrified of leaving you guys alone. Leaving Mama alone. What if you hadn't gotten to me in time? What if-" she sniffled.

Caleb stared across his room at the candle flickering on his desk. "We would find a way to bring you back, Jester. I would- I would make it happen if it were the last thing I did. You are too good to let go, schatzi."

"You are a good man, Caleb." Jester whispered.

"Nein, Jester. I am just a man. A greedy monsterous man, who-" Caleb sighed. "Who did something terrible to the people he loved." 

"Just because you did something bad, doesn't make you a bad man."

"You dont know what I did, you cant possibly-"

Jester flipped herself so she was sitting in Caleb's lap, facing him straddling his thighs. Every thought that came to the forefront of his mind disappeared like steam. 

"Caleb Widogast, listen to me. You are a good man who supposedly did a very bad thing. Good people can do bad things too. Nobody is perfect. Even bad guys do good things sometimes." She grabbed his face, hands pressing into his stubble. "The world isn't all fairytales with daring princesses and handsome princes, or dashing sailors that will sweep young maidens off their feet, I've learned." She smiled at him. "Sometimes it's a lonely stinky wizard finding family, or it's a lonely cleric who wanted nothing more than to explore the world, or it's as simple as a little blue Tiefling finding comfort in a human with a broken heart." She ended in a whisper and tapped his chest. 

Caleb looked up at her, tears in his eyes, then looked away. "Jester I-" his voice cracked.

"It's okay."

She wiped a stray tear from his cheek, and tipped his face up so he was looking directly at her. She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

The sensation was like ice against hot skin and it sent goosebumps cascading across his body. His conscious thought process slowed and halted and he ran completely on autopilot with his hands on her waist pulling her close. 

The kiss deepened, and Jester's innate sweetness mingled with his inky smokiness in an elaborate dance of tongues and teeth and lips. 

He trailed down her jaw, to her neck just below her ear, teased the skin with a soft swipe of tongue and a gentle nibble with teeth. 

Jester's hands knotted into his hair and she sighed his name, "Caleb-"

It was that second everything crashed back online and his breath hitched in his throat, caught like a mouse in a trap. His heart leapt against his breast bone and he leaned his head against Jester's shoulder, his breath heavy.

"Jester, I-" _love you-_ "I can't, you deserve so much more than me. I am a monster."

"Caleb, you are not a monster." She said earnestly.

He cast his gaze to the side, shame creeping into his voice, and he whispered, "I killed my family, Liebling."

Instead of running, as he'd expected, Jester tugged him into a tight hug. "Oh Caleb- Why?"

"Because, I believed so strongly that they'd committed treason against the empire, because he told me they did. He- he modified my memories." He took a deep shuddering breath. "I- I didn't even make sure, I just, I- I burned them alive, and the screams and smell of charring flesh and burning hair- I was so right, and sure until I wasn't and then the weight of what I'd done-" his breath hitched and he couldn't continue. He looked at her, and she was crying. He felt like someone had punched him. "Jester, no, bitte, don't cry." He thumbed away a tear.

"Just what he did to you was so awful, and what he made you do to your parents… I could never imagine doing that to my mama." More tears slipped down her face.

Caleb pulled Jester into a hesitant hug. "No. You're a good person, Jester. Good people don't kill their families."

"But you're good too, Caleb. Bad people don't regret what they've done. They excuse it. What you did was bad, but that doesn't make _you_ a _bad_ person."

Caleb scoffed softly. 

"I'm serious. Bad people don't want to right wrongs." She hugged him tighter, her tears damp against his neck.

"I'm sorry to cause you distress, schatzi." He brushed down her hair.

There was a moment of silence before Jester pulled back and held Caleb by the face. "You are a good person, whether you know it or not. You're trying to do better, and that's all I can ask, that's all we can ask." She kissed his forehead. "You are not unforgivable, Caleb. I hope one day you can see it."

He sighed and let himself lean into the hug, wrapping his arms around her back. 

"You're still a good man, Just a good man that did a bad thing. You deserve to forgive yourself, you deserve love too."

"I saw my mother." Caleb whispered, his hands clenched against her back. 

"When?" 

"When I died. She brought me inside my childhood home, asked about you guys. She told me- she told me she was proud of me."

"She should be." 

"You are too kind, Jester." Caleb yawned. "I think we both could use a little rest."

"Okay. C-Caleb?" 

"Ja?"

"Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to sleep alone in my bed and- and Beau is already asleep." She chewed her bottom lip. 

Caleb sighed and smiled. "Of course, Liebling. You are always welcome."

She flopped down on the bed, shaking Caleb from his thoughts when Frumpkin meowed indignantly from his pillow. They settled down and Jester curled against his chest, his arms around her. With a snap of his fingers, the candle went out. 

"Caleb?"

"Hmm?" 

"Your mama really loves you, huh?" 

"I think so, Ja."

"Do you miss her?" 

"Ja, of course I do."

Jester went quiet long enough that Caleb thought she'd gone to sleep, but then he caught her small whisper.

"Thank you, for letting me stay here and talking to me."

"Of course, Liebling, get some rest."


	4. Confrontation

When Caleb awoke he was somewhat shocked by the weight sprawled across his chest, much heavier than Frumpkin. He blinked a few times clearing the fogginess before he focused on a messy head of blue hair tucked under his chin. He took a deep breath and catalogued his surroundings. 

Jester stirred and the hand under his shirt became immediately noticed as her cool skin brushed across his ribs. Her tail, he noted, was wrapped delicately around his leg. 

He rubbed his face with his free hand and let out a deep breath. 

"Jester?" He whispered.

Jester shifted and her face tucked down into his chest. She didn't wake.

"Liebling, you're going to miss breakfast." 

Jester took in a deep breath and mumbled against his chest, "I have enough for breakfast right here." 

Caleb's face flushed red and he choked on his breath. "Jester-"

"I'm just kidding, Cayleb." She giggled. 

A loud knock rapt on his door. "Caleb! Jester is missing! She was in bed when I fell asleep last night, but she's not anymore and I can't find her anywhere else." She paused a moment. "C'mon man!"

"Beauregard, please stop hitting my door, I'm awake." He sat up as Jester rolled off him to curl in the blanket by the wall.

"How are you calm right now?" 

The door slammed open just as Caleb brushed his hand through his hair, and his gaze didn't move from the scars on his arm. Beau stepped in but stopped short, and Caleb looked up. Beau's gaze was past him looking at Jester curled in his blanket turning over to look at her. 

"Jester-" 

Caleb watched her shoulders tense, a surprised confusion crossing her face. 

Beau turned on her heel and said over her shoulder, "Breakfast is almost over. Everyone is expecting you." And she left. 

Caleb's brow furrowed and he looked at the space Beau had been, before she nearly stomped back down the stairs. That was  _ odd _ . 

Jester's arms wrapped around his waist and her lips met the side of his neck, peppering it with wet kisses. He found himself leaning into the touch, his head automatically tilting to the side, his neck displayed out for Jester to do what she wished. 

Her teeth gently grazed his skin and Caleb couldn't help the small moan that escaped his lips, and he blinked surprised by himself.

"Scheisse," he breathed, "Liebling, please. We- we should join the others." He gently pulled away.

Jester looked at him sadly but nodded her head and started for the door. 

He caught her hand, and gently pulled her back to him, giving her a hug. "I- I need to go slow, Jester. I can't- This terrifies me almost as much as losing the lot of you does. I don't want to hurt you if I get overwhelmed a-and run."

Jester smiled up at him and kissed him softly. "I understand, let's get breakfast, okay?"

"Ja, I would like that."

"I'm going to get dressed. Meet you at the table!" 

He watched her bolt out of the room before he sat heavily back on his bed and scrubbed his face with his hands.

Breakfast was… interesting. Beau barely looked up from her food, gave noncommittal shrugs and kept sending sidelong glances at Jester. He recognized those looks, the soft glances, the gentle smiles. 

"Beau, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" Caleb stood up.

"Not much to talk about, Caleb." She said, her voice sharp.

"Beauregard-"

"You know what? No, fuck you. I'm outta here." Beau pushed up from the table and stormed out of the house. 

Everyone watched on in stunned silence.

Caleb followed her, not nearly as fast and struggled to keep up with her. "Beau!" 

The monk stopped short but didn't look at him. "What do you want?"

"What's going on?" He stepped in front of her.

"Nothing."

"You're obviously pissed at me. What did I do?"

Beau threw her hands up. "Nothing, alright?" 

Beau started walking again and Caleb followed her down an alleyway. 

He took a deep breath "I know, Beau."

Beau stopped dead in her tracks, purposely not looking back at him. "You don't know shit."

"I know."

"No you don't! Shut the fuck up, Caleb!" She stomped towards him.

"You love Jester, don't you?" 

She grabbed his jacket and shoved him into the wall and it hurt. 

"Don't fucking assume who I love-"

"Beau-"

"Shut the fuck up." She pushed him harder into the wall. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I didn't know. Not until this morning. I didn't know. I-"

She looked at him sharply. "Don't. Don't you fucking hurt her, or I swear, you won't know what hit you. If you're who Jester wants to spend her time with, then that's fine. I'll get over this stupid little crush I have and move on. But if you hurt her- _if you hurt her_ _you will regret it._ " Beau growled. 

She gave him an extra shove and pushed away, going to the wall opposite, sliding down it until she was crouched and sitting on her heels. She ran a hand down her face.

"I'm sorry." Caleb offered.

"Don't be. I'm sure whatever crisis you're putting yourself through is worse than whatever this is. Knowing you, it was probably Jester who initiated it in the first place."

"I'll try not to take offense to that." Caleb grinned. 

Beau grinned back. "Full offence intended."

"We good?" 

"Yeah, Caleb. We're good. Sorry for, y'know shoving you into the wall like that."

"It's alright Beau. I understand. I need to get some paper and ink. Would you like to accompany me?" 

"Sure, don't have anything else to do this morning." 

"Mmm hold on, let me just-" 

Caleb held up the copper wire to his mouth and turned towards the Xhorhaus. 

"Veth, pardon our exit, Beau and I are going for a walk. You can reply to this message."

"Alright Lebby, see you when you get back."

Caleb nodded and led on. 


	5. Shopping and Comforting

The shop was filled with various magical components, papers lined the walls, inks had their own sections. There were hundreds of items to choose from. Caleb took to perusing the papers first, his fingers tracing delicately over a blue parchment that shimmered in the light.

"Hey, Caleb." Beau called from over her shoulder.

He pulled away from the paper he was looking at to turn towards his companion. "Ja?" 

"Check it. Jes would love this. You should get it for her." She held up an ornately decorated blue book, with jewels encrusted in the top. 

"Beau, I-"

"Seriously man. Just- just get it, and give it to her. I'll get her a cool pen or something, okay?"

Caleb smiled and shook his head. "Alright, alright. Let me grab my paper and ink."

He pulled what he needed off the shelf and met Beau upfront. 

The shopkeep raised his eyebrow at the book when Beau placed it with Caleb's items. 

"400 gold."

Caleb choked on a cough and looked at Beau. "400?"

"Aye, it's an enchanted book, lad. You ought to know how much those cost." He waved his hands at Caleb's books in his holsters.

"May I ask what the enchantment does?" 

"It's alive."

"And It's not a mimic, correct? I've heard of people keeping them as pets-"

"Aye, it's not a mimic. Just a specific and special enchantment that bonds the book to the user. Should only open for her, I can give you the specifics… after purchase of course."

Caleb sighed, passing the coin over. "Ja. Alright. As long as it isn't going to eat everything."

"No need to feed 'er. Does like a little affection though. Sweet thing she is." He stashed the coin away. "Alright then, when you give this to your friend, have her put her hand on the back cover an' say 'Vita'. Should come to life before your eyes."

"Sounds easy enough. Thank you." Caleb tucked the book into his coat.

"Aye, I hope she likes it." 

  
  


Caleb left the store and Beau caught up with him after purchasing her pen. 

"You think it's really alive?" 

"Possibly, I vaguely recall hearing of enchantments bringing life to stuffed toys or even bags. I don't see why a sketchbook would be any different." 

Beau hummed in response. 

  
  


When they finally reached the Xhorhaus, Caleb pushed the door open and Veth was there first.

"You need to talk to Jester."

Caleb's brows furrowed and concern twisted in his chest. "Did something happen?" 

Veth glanced at Beau and then back to him. "After Beau left and you chased her, she got very quiet and barely touched her food afterwards."

"Ja, okay. I'll make sure everything is okay. We'll meet you down here afterwards."

"Shit, alright. Hey, give her this for me?" Beau scrubbed her face and handed Caleb the delicately wrapped quill. 

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just, tell her it's from me, okay?"

"Ja, I will. Thank you Beauregard."

"Yeah, yeah. Just make sure she's okay. I’m going to talk with Yasha." 

Caleb nodded, and looked to Veth. "Where'd she go?" 

"She's in your room." 

He walked to his room, could hear her talking and crying and the sound broke his heart. He gently knocked on the door. 

"Jester? May I come in?"

There was an audible sniffle. "Yeah, it's your room."

"I won't come in unless you want me to, Liebling." He said gently.

"You can come in."

He pushed open the door, and then closed it behind himself before finally looking up at Jester. She was curled up against the wall on his bed, forehead on her knees. Her shoulders trembled. 

He sat down on the mattress, and placed a hand softly on her back. "What happened?"

Jester sighed, and turned her head away from him. "Why did Beau yell at you?" Her voice was impossibly small. 

"It's… complicated. But everything is okay now."

"Is she mad cause I stayed with you last night?"

"No, Liebling. A little jealous maybe, you are her best friend. She just wants you to be happy." 

Jester looked up and her face was splotchy and damp with tears. "Promise?"

"Ja, I promise." Caleb slipped his jacket off and stood up to hang it on the back of his chair. "Jester?"

"Yeah?"

"We got you something while we were out." He pulled the book from an inner jacket pocket along with the wrapped quill. "Beau asked me to give this to you. And I got you this." He handed the quill over to her and then the book.

"Oh Caleb, it's beautiful." She ran her hand over the intricate jeweled cover. "And the quill, I- I'll be right back, okay?"

Caleb smiled, "of course. Take your time" 

He watched her run out of the room. 


	6. Cupcake

Caleb blinked open his eyes when a hand tapped him on the shoulder and he startled upright, knocking his small jar of ink over. 

"Scheisse, was-?" 

He straightened it out, thankfully nothing spilled on his spellbook, and turned towards the soft giggling. His shoulders immediately relaxed.

"Jester, ah sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay, Cay-leb. If you're tired it's good to sleep. I had a good talk with Beau." She flopped down onto his mattress. 

"Das gut. Beau is a … a good egg."

"Ja." Jester said, mimicking Caleb's Zemnian. 

"Ah, your sketchbook, I need to show you something before you use it."

"Oh?" Jester sat up, taking the bejeweled book in hand. 

"Turn it over, put your hand on the back," he guided her hand down, and laid it flat against the surface. "Now say 'vita'." 

Jester repeated the word and a soft glow spiraled out from her palm and flowed through the patterns in the leather cover to the gems on the front. Four straps of silky cloth came out from behind the back cover and delicately wrapped around her wrist and Caleb's pinky. 

"Uh, Caleb, what's happening?" 

"Ah, the book is bonding with you. I think."

"What do you mean?" 

"Ah well, it's enchanted to… essentially be alive?"

Jester was silently looking down at the book, and the strips of cloth detangled from her and flipped itself over. The book then sprang about next to her. 

Jester laughed. "Okay okay, she's preeeeetty cute." She gasped. "What should I name her?" 

Caleb chuckled, "Whatever you want."

"Hmmm, what about Cupcake?"

"Sounds sweet."

"How's about it, Cupcake? Do you like that?" Jester pat the book cover.

Cupcake bounced around on her thin legs. 

"I think she likes it, Liebling." 

"Thank you, Caleb." Jester hugged him.

Cupcake nuzzled his leg affectionately. 

"Ja, Jester. I am glad you like… her." 

"Cupcaaaake can I draw pretty pictures on your pages?" 

Cupcake hopped into Jesters lap, and held itself up for Jester to have the optimal drawing angle. 

He grinned, and stood up from the bed only to get pulled back down by Jester. "Stay, please?" 

Caleb took a deep breath. "Ja. Let me get my book."

He retrieved his spellbook and went back to the bed, settling against the wall with her.

  
  


An hour or so later Jester's head plunked gently against his shoulder as she fell asleep. He took the quill from her and cupcake scooted over to his lap, page still open. 

Caleb's breath hitched and he looked at the studies of himself, smiling and adorned in flower crowns, or him studying his book with his hand pushed against his cheek and his head similarly adorned in a flower crown. They were beautiful.

He gently closed Cupcake's cover. "Go rest for now, Cupcake."

The book grabbed his spellbook with its thin ribbon appendages and hopped down off the bed, gingerly climbing up his desk. 

Caleb looked down at Jester, and delicately intertwined his fingers with hers. She stirred a little but only tucked tighter into his side. He kissed her temple and whispered in Zemnian, " _ Thank you, Jester, for seeing the good in everyone. You are better than I deserve." _ He breathed a hesitant sigh, " _ I love you, blueberry."  _

He closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall. While his future was still unsure, he knew, no matter what happened, Jester would have the happiness she deserved

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up far too late writing this


End file.
